I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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