Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
