So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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