dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
