im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
