It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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