I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
