I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
