i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
