you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
