grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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