Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
