fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
