what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
