Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
