I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well you can't waste a boner
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
