I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
