hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am one with the molecules
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.