my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.