We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
