I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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