dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
