I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
