i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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