I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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