a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
