I wish I could punch you in the face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
