do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.