Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.