my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".