you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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