thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
