Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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