She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
