There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
