I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
