Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
