Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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