who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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