My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
