fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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