If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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