I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
