go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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