FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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