Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
