I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
