Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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