when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
