I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
