the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
