i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
