im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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