The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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