next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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