i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Still dying that you shit outside
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
