saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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