remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
