Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize