Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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